There’s a grave tone underneath the glitz and glam of dating in Dallas, and it’s not pretty. Is there actually a right or wrong way? Or is it a set of rules that only apply to each individual situation? Don’t adjust your fanny too much girls, because we’re half of the problem.
After extensively researching a state of dysfunction in my own dating life for a noticeable second time, I became compelled to get to the bottom of this “barrel of monkeys”. Once again I’d found myself single ….in Dallas. This go round might have just been worst than the first time. A little older and a tad wiser, there wasn’t necessarily the need to reassure myself of the amazing qualities that I posses as a woman. Without doubt, there was more to this than the eye could see.
Ever wonder why there are so many short-lived relationships in a city that is ranked in the top five for having the most eligible bachelors in the country? The answer “lies” within the question. Take the phrase “Top Five”. It automatically screams a rare commodity. Take “Eligible Bachelor” and it heavily resonates commitment phobia. And that’s where I thought the problems began. Apparently, being single in Dallas for a guy is the best thing since sliced bread. This I found perplexing since as of 2007 there were more than 40,000 more single guys than single women. Sounds grand, however in the scheme of things considering the Metroplex is roughly over 7 million strong now, that 40K is more like chump change and still makes for a pretty level playing field.
The men in Dallas seem to “just” date women for as long as they can get away with it. And not just you, but Jane, Becca, Nikkie, Keisha, and Gloria too! If there’s no commitment, they are all fair game. It pretty much just means which flavor of the week are you? Let’s face it, dating when carried out respectfully, can be a very useful tool to perhaps find that life long partner or soul mate. However in the Big D, it’s straight up abused! A guy will use any line to get the fish on the hook and in the meantime, he’s reeling in three other lines at the same time. Low and behold, once the thrill is gone, it all becomes a painful game of catch and release.
The commitment phobia is like a disease for sure running ramped. Why selfishly lead a woman on knowing that you haven’t the slightest interest in her being more than a piece of ass? I love the guys that can’t answer their phone late at night while on a date with a girl. Who could that be? Mom perhaps, wanting to tuck him into beddy-by. Oh no it’s his sister needing him to come by to clean her pipes at 12 AM. I’m Just saying… because it happens often and I hear about it. No guys, you can’t technically “date” a girl for 4 months and she not think that she’s your girlfriend. Save it, because being raised with boys and growing up a tomboy, I know for a fact that you guys can pretty much identify within the first 2-4 weeks whether or not a woman is wife material let alone if you want to be in a monogamous relationship with her. I do know that there is that special group of women out there that want you just for you luscious hot body. If that understanding is there, then I’m not talking to you.
By nature, the male species are for the most part are hunters and when the prey falls too easily, it benefits the likes of no one. In fact over the years it has evolved into a role reversal. It’s nothing new these days for a guy wanting to be pursued. That just grosses me out! But hang on a second. Ladies, we are partly at fault for this one!
Whether it’s the way we have raised our spoiled “I never have to do anything for myself” mama’s boys or the way we have lowered our self worth by allowing such unthinkable behaviors be tolerated, we have contributed to the tomfoolery. A man will ONLY do what we allow. There’s no finger pointing here because we are ALL guilty of it at some point and to some degree. Some just happen to be worse than others.
This brings me to an entirely different issue that I have with many women in Dallas. The term “The grass is greener on the other side” is more of an understatement from what I have observed. I have found through talking with many, many guys that for some, becoming jaded at an early age is part of the reason their behavioral pattern is so relationally unjust. Story after story paints a sympathetic picture of a toy being tossed a side when the newer, wealthier, more powerful Ken™ doll comes into play. So how does a young late 20 something or a young 30 compete with the more experienced 35 – 40 or 50? He can’t. The problem isn’t so much that we as women are just looking for security, it’s when we callously play this game of “big bank take little bank’s girl”. Where are our values? Where does being true to ourselves, play a part? It apparently doesn’t.
In short, Dallas has the highest number of Gold Diggers on this side of the Mississippi. As someone that has been constantly accused of being one myself, I am not quick to point fingers at others. The difference however, is my relationships with wealthy older men started with genuine intentions, involved my heart and at times left me being the one hurt. I never traded up on anyone and the reasons those relationships ended, not one time had to do with my hands being dirty. I will say this though; the best quote comes from Melania Trump. When asked whether or not she married “The Donald” for his wealth, she politely answered with a question. “Would he have married me if I weren’t beautiful?” She also went on to say that she does love him and that it’s a trade out to some degree. So this isn’t a brow beating to those with pure intentions. This is a calling out to those of you that make it hard for the rest of us deserving women to be found by a good man. Stop making yourselves so easily and readily available and more importantly stop USING guys for the SOLE purpose of self-gain.
This has help create a vicious circle of love and war without the love. Guys are trying to get laid by as many women as possible and women are just trying to get the most out of whichever guy as possible. Does courting and true dating exist anymore? I’m not sure that it does, but I will remain single until the right man finds me.
So here I am up early on a Saturday morning finishing this article. Why? Because, it very much needs to be addressed and admitted. My theory is this: TRUTH. If we would all just tell the truth about our situations and allow the other person to make their own decision based upon truthful information, not only would we get further, but we also gain so much more respect. Whatever happened to that word? Yet and still I haven’t figured out which came first, the egg or the chicken. I have a hunch though that the more that men began hurting women the more callous we became. Maybe….
The Back Story on Why I Wrote this Article:
What Fueled this Fire?
Over the past 4 – 5 months or so, I’ve pretty much been single and back in the dating scene. WHAT A NIGHTMARE! From the Jersey Shore style spiked hair to the swaggalicious athlete, I’ve run across them all. There was one guy in particular that I went out on a date with that really had me wanting to ship him back to Cali. We met at one of my favorite local feeding post. I was minding my own business enjoying a nice aged glass of an 18-year Scotch. Though he and his Jersey Shore group had a table and waitress, he made it a point to squeeze in right next to me at the bar to order 3 drinks one at a time. We had a little small talk. I smiled and giggled a bit just as any slightly interested woman would. Shortly after, I closed my tab and left. I didn’t bother going as far as offering up my number or asking for his considering he was with a large group and I wasn’t for sure if he were with any of the girls. An hour later, one of the waitresses hunts me down and asked if it were ok to give him my number. I thought about it and said sure after she explained that he was with a group and he didn’t want to be rude to one of the girls that particularly show great interest in him although he wasn’t so into her.
The next day he calls, we talk and then the texting began. (Uggghh…..) So I learn that he’s mid 30’s former athlete just moved to Dallas from California and living in one trendier high rises in Dallas. RED FLAGS were flying everywhere at this point. I give him the benefit of the doubt and hesitantly go out on a date with him. It was ok, not bad but not great either. He claimed to have not been dating anyone and that at one point had dated a girl that he just really wasn’t that into. After his bad texting habits and inconsiderate last minute future date planning got the best of my nerves I basically called it quits.
In the meantime I scrolled his FaceBook page and noticed a lot chicks commenting on his page, one standing out more than the others. The face looked familiar but I couldn’t pin point it. All I knew was that she was in love with a player. A week later take myself to brunch and low and behold, I run into group Jersey Shore all over again. This time the puzzle came together. That was the same girl he was with at the first restaurant and the same mushy chick from FB. OH Damn…no this douche bag didn’t! He’d been in a relationship with this girl all along. She had no clue. LMAO! Wow….really? I’d paid to been able to record the look on his face when he saw me. Dallas is TOO small for that kind of behavior. This from someone that spent 20 minutes going on and on about how he just doesn’t understand how men cheat…especially on someone like me (LOL) in reference to my ex husband.
Now this is where Dave Chappell’s “When keeping it real goes wrong” could’ve been the ending to this story.
What would you have done? LOL…
•Confront him right there on the spot in front of his girl and friends.
•Call or text him and tell him how big of a douche he really is.
•Put him on blast via Facebook and contact his little love interest.
•All of the above.
•Or write shamelessly about him in a blog. (LOL)
Leave a comment below and or copy it to FaceBook. I want to know your thoughts.