cheaters,  dallas,  dating advice,  gold diggers,  house of haute,  lies,  melania trump,  Relationships,  scandal,  Toni Duclottni,  truth

The Dirt on Dallas Dating

There’s a grave tone underneath the glitz and glam of dating in Dallas, and it’s not pretty. Is there actually a right or wrong way? Or is it a set of rules that only apply to each individual situation? Don’t adjust your fanny too much girls, because we’re half of the problem.

After extensively researching a state of dysfunction in my own dating life for a noticeable second time, I became compelled to get to the bottom of this “barrel of monkeys”. Once again I’d found myself single ….in Dallas.  This go round might have just been worst than the first time. A little older and a tad wiser, there wasn’t necessarily the need to reassure myself of the amazing qualities that I posses as a woman. Without doubt, there was more to this than the eye could see.

Ever wonder why there are so many short-lived relationships in a city that is ranked in the top five for having the most eligible bachelors in the country? The answer “lies” within the question. Take the phrase “Top Five”. It automatically screams a rare commodity. Take “Eligible Bachelor” and it heavily resonates commitment phobia. And that’s where I thought the problems began. Apparently, being single in Dallas for a guy is the best thing since sliced bread. This I found perplexing since as of 2007 there were more than 40,000 more single guys than single women. Sounds grand, however in the scheme of things considering the Metroplex is roughly over 7 million strong now, that 40K is more like chump change and still makes for a pretty level playing field.  

The men in Dallas seem to “just” date women for as long as they can get away with it. And not just you, but Jane, Becca, Nikkie, Keisha, and Gloria too! If there’s no commitment, they are all fair game. It pretty much just means which flavor of the week are you? Let’s face it, dating when carried out respectfully, can be a very useful tool to perhaps find that life long partner or soul mate. However in the Big D, it’s straight up abused! A guy will use any line to get the fish on the hook and in the meantime, he’s reeling in three other lines at the same time. Low and behold, once the thrill is gone, it all becomes a painful game of catch and release.

The commitment phobia is like a disease for sure running ramped. Why selfishly lead a woman on knowing that you haven’t the slightest interest in her being more than a piece of ass? I love the guys that can’t answer their phone late at night while on a date with a girl. Who could that be? Mom perhaps, wanting to tuck him into beddy-by. Oh no it’s his sister needing him to come by to clean her pipes at 12 AM. I’m Just saying… because it happens often and I hear about it. No guys, you can’t technically “date” a girl for 4 months and she not think that she’s your girlfriend. Save it, because being raised with boys and growing up a tomboy, I know for a fact that you guys can pretty much identify within the first 2-4 weeks whether or not a woman is wife material let alone if you want to be in a monogamous relationship with her. I do know that there is that special group of women out there that want you just for you luscious hot body. If that understanding is there, then I’m not talking to you. 
By nature, the male species are for the most part are hunters and when the prey falls too easily, it benefits the likes of no one. In fact over the years it has evolved into a role reversal. It’s nothing new these days for a guy wanting to be pursued. That just grosses me out! But hang on a second. Ladies, we are partly at fault for this one!

Whether it’s the way we have raised our spoiled “I never have to do anything for myself” mama’s boys or the way we have lowered our self worth by allowing such unthinkable behaviors be tolerated, we have contributed to the tomfoolery. A man will ONLY do what we allow. There’s no finger pointing here because we are ALL guilty of it at some point and to some degree. Some just happen to be worse than others.

This brings me to an entirely different issue that I have with many women in Dallas. The term “The grass is greener on the other side” is more of an understatement from what I have observed. I have found through talking with many, many guys that for some, becoming jaded at an early age is part of the reason their behavioral pattern is so relationally unjust. Story after story paints a sympathetic picture of a toy being tossed a side when the newer, wealthier, more powerful Ken™ doll comes into play. So how does a young late 20 something or a young 30 compete with the more experienced 35 – 40 or 50? He can’t. The problem isn’t so much that we as women are just looking for security, it’s when we callously play this game of “big bank take little bank’s girl”. Where are our values? Where does being true to ourselves, play a part? It apparently doesn’t.

In short, Dallas has the highest number of Gold Diggers on this side of the Mississippi. As someone that has been constantly accused of being one myself, I am not quick to point fingers at others. The difference however, is my relationships with wealthy older men started with genuine intentions, involved my heart and at times left me being the one hurt. I never traded up on anyone and the reasons those relationships ended, not one time had to do with my hands being dirty. I will say this though; the best quote comes from Melania Trump. When asked whether or not she married “The Donald” for his wealth, she politely answered with a question. “Would he have married me if I weren’t beautiful?” She also went on to say that she does love him and that it’s a trade out to some degree. So this isn’t a brow beating to those with pure intentions. This is a calling out to those of you that make it hard for the rest of us deserving women to be found by a good man. Stop making yourselves so easily and readily available and more importantly stop USING guys for the SOLE purpose of self-gain.

This has help create a vicious circle of love and war without the love. Guys are trying to get laid by as many women as possible and women are just trying to get the most out of whichever guy as possible. Does courting and true dating exist anymore? I’m not sure that it does, but I will remain single until the right man finds me.

So here I am up early on a Saturday morning finishing this article. Why? Because, it very much needs to be addressed and admitted. My theory is this: TRUTH. If we would all just tell the truth about our situations and allow the other person to make their own decision based upon truthful information, not only would we get further, but we also gain so much more respect. Whatever happened to that word? Yet and still I haven’t figured out which came first, the egg or the chicken. I have a hunch though that the more that men began hurting women the more callous we became. Maybe….

The Back Story on Why I Wrote this Article:

What Fueled this Fire?

Over the past 4 – 5 months or so, I’ve pretty much been single and back in the dating scene. WHAT A NIGHTMARE! From the Jersey Shore style spiked hair to the swaggalicious athlete, I’ve run across them all. There was one guy in particular that I went out on a date with that really had me wanting to ship him back to Cali. We met at one of my favorite local feeding post. I was minding my own business enjoying a nice aged glass of an 18-year Scotch. Though he and his Jersey Shore group had a table and waitress, he made it a point to squeeze in right next to me at the bar to order 3 drinks one at a time. We had a little small talk. I smiled and giggled a bit just as any slightly interested woman would. Shortly after, I closed my tab and left. I didn’t bother going as far as offering up my number or asking for his considering he was with a large group and I wasn’t for sure if he were with any of the girls. An hour later, one of the waitresses hunts me down and asked if it were ok to give him my number. I thought about it and said sure after she explained that he was with a group and he didn’t want to be rude to one of the girls that particularly show great interest in him although he wasn’t so into her.

The next day he calls, we talk and then the texting began. (Uggghh…..) So I learn that he’s mid 30’s former athlete just moved to Dallas from California and living in one trendier high rises in Dallas. RED FLAGS were flying everywhere at this point. I give him the benefit of the doubt and hesitantly go out on a date with him. It was ok, not bad but not great either. He claimed to have not been dating anyone and that at one point had dated a girl that he just really wasn’t that into. After his bad texting habits and inconsiderate last minute future date planning got the best of my nerves I basically called it quits.

In the meantime I scrolled his FaceBook page and noticed a lot chicks commenting on his page, one standing out more than the others. The face looked familiar but I couldn’t pin point it. All I knew was that she was in love with a player. A week later take myself to brunch and low and behold, I run into group Jersey Shore all over again. This time the puzzle came together. That was the same girl he was with at the first restaurant and the same mushy chick from FB. OH Damn…no this douche bag didn’t! He’d been in a relationship with this girl all along. She had no clue. LMAO! Wow….really? I’d paid to been able to record the look on his face when he saw me. Dallas is TOO small for that kind of behavior. This from someone that spent 20 minutes going on and on about how he just doesn’t understand how men cheat…especially on someone like me (LOL) in reference to my ex husband.

Now this is where Dave Chappell’s “When keeping it real goes wrong” could’ve been the ending to this story.

What would you have done? LOL…

•Confront him right there on the spot in front of his girl and friends.

•Call or text him and tell him how big of a douche he really is.

•Put him on blast via Facebook and contact his little love interest.

•All of the above.

•Or write shamelessly about him in a blog.  (LOL)

Leave a comment below and or copy it to FaceBook. I want to know your thoughts. 

Just Click Here:


  • BeautyDivaNY1

    Toni Toni Toni (not just my favorite group either lol) Thank you for voicing EVERYTHING!!! I always say that we can’t point fingers. We are what we allow. You are so right when you say they KNOW where you fit in at. Shet, they know the first couple of hours talking to you. I really don’t know what to say. Honestly, it feels good not to be the only one and I am so tired of asking WHY! Sometimes it’s just better to be found. Enjoy yourself, love yourself and lift those standards. You will find that BOAZ to match. Girl you did it again. Keep it coming!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Oh wow! I would have confronted him saying, “Hi, how are you doing? Blah Blah Blah with small talk with a sheepish grin. Then I would have ended it with, “Oh, and Thank you for dinner, it was a nice place. Have a good night!” still smiling the whole time and walked away. The end. Yes there are no commitments issues. Another reason, easy to walk away, especially if they go after ones that are married or have a boyfriends or even engaged. If you are single and no responsibilities but yourself, I’ve notice it is a problem for some. I am just saying what I have seen.

  • Anonymous

    I would have said “Thank you for dinner the other night, I am sorry I have been busy and not able to get back to you, but we really should do it again” My instincts tell me his chick would not leave although she knows he is cheating.

  • Yazadi

    •Confront him right there on the spot in front of his girl and friends.

    Not A good idea, WE have to much class for that and plus we don’t want to go Hood in a setting where U like to hang out. I WOULD HAVE TEXT HIM RIGHT THEN AND THERE ( I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM THE BLUES)! HE WOULD’VE FELT SO LOW I PROMISE!

  • Anonymous

    WOOOW! toni I can honestly say I would have sent him a text message right then and kept it moving. Your AVERAGE WOMAN can NOT handle a man telling them the unadulterated TRUTH as it relates to his current status when it comes to his dating status. Think about it, how would you handle it when a guy comes to you and in conversation on your first date he says to you “I am single. I have a few chicks I see here and there 3 I have been sleeping off and on with for years and they KNOW THEY WILL NEVER BE MY WOMAN!” I kick it with them from time to time, I need each one of them for different reasns and I DO NOT GO OUT IN PUBLIC WITH THEM.” Now let’s face it, there will always be a woman there before you and after you! So, do you get in where you fit in and see his habits and ways to determine his worth? At what point do you expect him to drop said cutbuddies? Ok, then after you go out with him a few times (he does all the chivalrous things including paying for dates, cooking, buying you dresses and shoes when he is away from you, calling as he should-he tells you as it relates to the cutbuddies “they know something is wrong because I am really distant when i talk to them.. you are the one I am spending my time and money on so dont worry about them.” “I just want to enjoy you!” Now, no sex has taken place yet. Then he starts asking you to church and other real relationship activities. And after a few more weeks he says, “I know what you expect. I know how to treat you and what you deserve and i am not ready for a reationship yet but i dont want to rush into anything either. ” Now he has been fairly truthful about his circumstances at what point do you expect him to drop the others? Most women dont want a man to be honest with them and RUN when a dude is upfront about the other women he deals with. In all fairness, he is single and so are you and you are entitled to date others whenever you see fit as long as the two of you have an understanding.

    Let us be

  • EccentricDiva

    Hey Toni, WOW girl I feel for you, but you broke it down! As far as your question in the end there is no reason that you can’t talk about him here on this blog because that is what some people use blogs for – discussing their life or whatever they want. I think you should have pulled him to the side – is that cliche? Maybe it is but you don’t want to pull a Sheray (housewives of Atlanta not sure of her spelling) but I agree with another responder in keeping it classy! Love you girl! Sorry I missed blogTV last week : (

  • Dyna (pronounced deena)

    Toni, you are so right on so many levels. My girlfriend and I say all the time that if you’re honest from the gate, it makes things so much easier. You don’t know what my response or reaction is going to be, but if you keep it real, there should never be any surprises. This guy is a mess, but like you said, nothing short of the norm. It’s so sad. I probably would have gone for the posting a blog option. What’s the point of going off or texting him? He’s her problem, not yours.

  • TeeJay

    This, unfortunately, is way too common and just as you mentioned and Ms.BeautyDivaNY1 stated also; men will only do what you allow them to do. We as women set the standards. If you tolerate cheating and lies (especially when you know they are lying)then they will continue to do that. One problem is that people (us women mostly) don’t understand that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. We do not always have to be in a relationship. Often times when you are forcing it and looking so desperately for it, that is when you find mess and settle for mess.

    I think that if I had to choose either option I would have chosen doing the blog, but honestly I don’t think I would have done any of them. He would have been erased and dismissed and become just another face in the crowd. As far as you are concerned he was just a scrub who bought you dinner. Just keep it moving.

    One thing that I will mention and you brought up are the RED FLAGS. Please understand they appear all of the time, but we tend to excuse them away or give the benefit of the doubt. They are there for a reason and when you keep seeing them, RUN FOREST RUN! We especially as women have discernment, that we for whatever reason do not pay attention to. Stop ignoring it. We can sense when something isn’t quite right. We have all been through that, but we keep it going anyway just to wonder 2-3 months (or even years) later when did he become this untrustworthy person? Guess what, he always was. When people show you who they are, believe them!

    Thank you for sharing your story and for the great blogs. Please keep up the great work and always remember your self worth.

    The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

  • Toni MsFine Brown

    WOW! I think I would’ve text the jerk..and unashamedly walked past his table and shook my head all while looking directly @ him.
    Its nice to see that I’m not the ONLY woman in Dallas having the same “dating” issues. I’d rather stay single sometimes than to put up with the foolishness. I’ve been single for a long 7 months…and I’ll be single until the right one comes along.

  • Anonymous

    Breaking down what Toni wrote in two points:

    1. Men will try and buy what they see advertised so if you are not selling sex then do not advertise yourself as such.

    2. If you want a husband then you must first BE a wife so that you: a. Think, b. Speak, c. Dress, and d. Behave as a wife long before your hubby finds you.


  • tiffany

    I have got to read more of your blogs! this article was very informative and sadly very true! Great work lady!! And jus to answer your qustion…i would absolutely:Or write shamelessly about him in a blog!!!! Great approach in my opinion! Keep doing what your doing Toni! Hell…just write a freakin book why dont you! Love ya…miss ya!

  • Ton Teezy

    Great story. There’s no need to confront him. He already knows he’s wrong. If your heart is invested in the cheat, then of course confront him. But if you could careless, don’t say a word. Just as long as he saw you walk into the restaurant, your presence said enough.

  • Anonymous

    Re the 40k…when you’re in the over 40 group, the male/female ratio must reverse. I once started dating a guy only to find out that he had recently gone out with a woman I knew by name – because she was currently dating my ex-husband! Talk about a small pond…

  • Anonymous

    Definition of a gold digger. A young woman who dates older men with money. Define yourself.
    There is a reason why you keep getting accused of being one. All you saw in this guy was that he had money. You saw the red flags but you ignored them because he had money. There is a reason why you keep attracting this dirt. Look within yourself.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.