black women,  empowerment,  hate,  haters,  house of haute,  love,  mary j blige,  mothers,  Relationships,  self esteem,  stereotypes,  team haute,  Toni Duclottni

The Truth: What Most Black Women Won’t Admit

Before you read this, please note: I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE for any of the following. The truth is no longer the truth when it’s altered. I promise to tell it EXACTLY as I perceive it.
I hardly ever directly address a certain race or group of people. However, I think now is the time to do so.
Whatever happened to the words of Mary J. Blige, “Stay Down”? Though that particular song was written based on the relationship between two lovers, it can also be applied to a sisterhood or true friendship. Since the age of 6, it quickly became apparent that I wouldn’t move through life with many female counterparts. Being the outsider and different, prepared me for the lonely journey that I have traveled for the last 23 years.
Though so called “haters” do fuel the very fire that makes success possible, it’s quite unfortunate that it seems to always come from within what one would assume to be “my camp”. It baffles me to see black women of all people, tear one another part. It’s no secret that women in general can be catty, but this is something entirely different.  It’s like a plague that is spreading rapidly. The need to dissect another woman without just cause is a reflection upon your own insecurities within yourself. What does it gain you to demean another? Does it give you a temporary boost in your self-esteem? Or does it justify your lack of drive or self-value?
Allow me to empower you with a bit of knowledge. Before you go dropping hateful and derogatory verbiage on another woman, try finding out exactly who she is. You never know, SHE could be the very person that can help you get to where you are trying go. Just imagine if we invested just as much time into lifting one another up as we do tearing each other down, there could be some serious advancement within our culture. There will always be someone more beautiful than you, more educated, have a hotter husband or boyfriend, drive a better car, have a bigger house, more worldly and cultured than you. Don’t be intimidated. Just maybe she can clue you in on something that you are lacking.
As women, we are the mothers that raise our children and instill morals and values into the innocent lives of our future. For what will happen if this plague continues to spread like wildfire? We will soon eradicate the race as a whole. Don’t believe me? Try taking a group of 30 people. If they all hate each other and want to destroy one another, eventually all will be defeated and one will be left standing. Unfortunately, that one will be his own demise because of the hate that he harbors within. It will eventually kill him too. Harboring hate reflects upon our children and in particular our young boys. We need to teach them love and how to be a team player, not how to live as a crab does. It’s pretty obvious right? Apparently not.
I’ve never lived my life to please anyone other than God, myself and perhaps, at one time my family. Don’t spend your time worried about what I’m doing because I will continue to do me. You should spend time doing you and more importantly, if you need me, I’ll be there to help you in anyway I can. There’s enough out there for everyone. You just have to learn how to tap into it. Don’t judge me based on what you think I have or don’t have; on who you think I was married to or going to marry; on how I look or don’t look. Books have covers for a reason. You’ll never know what lies in between the covers unless you spend time reading the actual content. How many times in school did you neglect to prepare for a test and then at last moment try to look for context clues? Odds are you probably failed that exam. The same applies to people.

I challenge you to start swapping something negative for something encouraging or positive and see what type of result you find. I dare you tell the next  woman you see that she is beautiful. Did you know that when polled*, over 75% of girls 10 -14 felt as though they weren’t pretty enough? We have more than enough to deal with coming out of the gate. Stop Tearing Each Other Apart and Start Building Each Other Up. 

I will close with this statement:
The Team Haute™ Movement is about empowerment. We are a team that shares a common goal to strive for greatness and excellence. In the process of achieving our goals we uplift and encourage one another. The moment that a jealous twitch enters our mind, we combat it with love and rest in the fact that one-day our turn will come too. Remember, you get out what you put in.
If you find yourself on the other side of this philosophy, you may want to resign from Team Haute™. Don’t fret though! You continue to play crucial part in fueling that raging fire.
Team Haute™: It’s not only a movement; it’s a way of life.

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  • BeautyDivaNY1

    This was something that I dealt with until I decided it was no longer my issue. It’s not even an issue only for the “Black Woman” because all women do it. Unfortunately, “Black Woman” marinate in it the most. Due to low self esteem, sterotypes and just a host of all kinds of issues. You hit it right on the head when you said,”Don’t be intimidated. Just maybe she can clue you in on something that you are lacking.” I have surrounded myself with positive people, positive women. They have shared wonderful knowledge based off of their experience. Not only did it inspire me, it gave me exactly what I needed to get to the next level. At this point in my life i don’t need negative or doubtful people in my circle. That does not validate who I am and where I’m going. God is the only one I am concerned about. Since I have him in my life I know all things are possible and I always pray that the connections I continue to make are brought together by him. Thanks for telling it like it T-I-S, lol. No apology is necessary. Keep doing what you do. This battle is no longer yours, it belongs to the lord (in my Yolanda Adams voice). Thanks for the info you share….keep it coming.
    TeamHaute is exactly that. Wonderful women and men making it happen, changing the world one life at a time. Roll with us or get rolled over!!


    Very well said! You would b an awesome mentor to the young ladies/tweens or great at forming some kind of organization geared toward this experience. You’ve been there, done that, and still succeeding in doing it from what I’ve read. The blog definitely “needed” to be said & is certainly on point. Thanks for being obedient to the voice & sharing. Many more blessings in abundance! ~Pebbles

  • Anonymous

    True Dat Toni…Black Women get it together we cannot afford to add to the destruction of our race. Be God like and get a change of heart !
    I know I am.

  • bbdiva

    your fan ( ms bb alabama ) you are so right i look forward to your blog and your tube videos and i can’t imagine the hate that people posses but i am sure you get it… because you are woman and you are a positive beautiful black woman…. black women seem to hate positive and do good stuff they say they like the best but in reality they don’t because we tear each other down each time we feel insecure and lord dont let us mingle outside of the box then you become acting like someone else or trying to be someone else… you are woman and indeed keep positive the negative stuff usually dies… when they can’t keep up i bet you know … the truth… you have lived the truth i too understand and been there and doing that right now… i know what you feel.. you continue to inspire a lot to women… i love you toni and you know from who this come…… 🙂 for real

  • Tish

    You are 100% Correct I totally Agree….
    Misery Love Company….If you hate your life you feel the desire to help others share this discomfort as well.
    If you are happy with yourself and your life it is very easy to uplift and support others.
    There is a fine line between your Friends and your Frenemies…
    Become successful and the difference will be obvious.

    Keep being positive

    Support and Blessing from Dallas

  • SimplYounique

    Isn’t it sad to see how women, especially black women tear each other down. It’s ridiculous! Instead of working together to lift some of the stereotypes that are out there about us, we continue to cripple ourselves embracing the negative.

    Another great article. Girl, I think you should write a book.

  • Anonymous

    Well spoken. My sister and I would have made that same journey alone but always had each other. All I can say is continue to do what you do, encourage and uplift others, and lead by example.

  • Anonymous

    Breaking down what Toni wrote in two points:

    1. Men will try and buy what they see advertised so if you are not selling sex then do not advertise yourself as such.

    2. If you want a husband then BE a wife so that you: a. Think, b. Speak, c. Dress and d. Behave like a wife long before your hubby finds you.


  • Anonymous

    You are such a hyprocrite. Your own behaviour has been totally opposite to what you have written here. Who are you trying to kid? You need to start living by your own words. Charma

  • Anonymous

    well.. everyone has their point of view but also dont forget us black women are stuburned,bitchy and selfish..
    dont think that working together will ever happend.. but i do agree with simpyounique.

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